I Didn’t Marry My Soul Mate

I didn’t marry a man who likes what I like.
I didn’t marry a man who wants what I want.
I didn’t marry a romantic man or a rich man, or a man who loves to cuddle.
I didn’t marry a man who meets all of my needs, understands me completely, or can finish my sentences.

I didn’t marry my soul mate.

I married a man who has been with me for almost ten years.  I married a man who has laughed with me, cried with me and held my hand through the birth of five children and the death of another.  I married a man who doesn’t understand me, but is willing to listen.  I married a man who has seen me at my worst, and loved me anyway.  I married the father of my children.

I didn’t marry my soul mate.

I married the only man who knows my children the way that I know them.  I married the only man who remembers me as a blushing bride and a first time mother.  I married the only man who saw my tumble off our marital bed and still laughs about it.  I married the only man who knows which pillow is my favorite and which side of the bed I like to sleep on. I married the only man who can look at my children with the love of a parent who sees himself in their eyes.

I didn’t marry my soul mate.

A few moments ago, my youngest son came to me, holding a picture from our wedding day.  In it, my husband and I are kissing.  My son smiled up at me and said “That’s Mommy and Daddy!”  What a beautiful thing, for a child to hold his parents, together.  In a picture, and in life.

I didn’t marry my soul mate.
I married my husband.  And somehow, that’s enough.



Related Articles:

I Didn’t Marry my Soul Mate (was I supposed to?)

On Romance and Love and Not Marrying My Soul Mate and an Attack on Poor Mr. Darcy

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More Than You’ll Ever Know… A Tribute to my Husband




This entry was posted in Consecration, Marriage, Miscellaneous, PERSONAL. Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to I Didn’t Marry My Soul Mate

  1. Mrs. Parunak says:

    Beautiful! And such an excellent reminder.

  2. Tracy says:

    Rina, it’s Brian.
    Well, I love him too!!!!

    You’re husband may look at your children with the love of a parent who sees himself in their eyes. Ok, I get that.

    But question is who are you hearing when the 1st and 3rd born are coming off with some of the things they say?

  3. That was so beautiful Rina! I really needed to read that tonight…thank you :)

  4. I love this! It is beautiful and so true of real life. It really bothers me the way society makes such a big deal about “finding your soul mate” and then when people get married and things get hard they just assume they “married the wrong person”. The thing is there is no one perfect, right person for each of us and expecting our husbands to fulfill everything we need and want is not only unrealistic but putting them in a spot in our lives that is higher than God.

    • Rina says:

      You’re welcome, Meghann, I’m glad.
      “It Feels Like Chaos,” I’ve been thinking so much about that very thing, lately, which is what prompted me to write this. My husband and I are so “incompatible” it’s almost comical. But I have a husband who has been willing to do “whatever it takes” and we have LEARNED to communicate with each other, and to celebrate our differences. I’m heartbroken over the broken marriages and families I see all around me.

  5. Ashley Armstrong says:


    So I’ve been occasionally googling for a certain Rina I remember as my first best friend for years now. . .


    • Rina says:

      Oh my goodness, I definitely have memories of an Ashely who was MY best friend for years… I’m emailing you RIGHT NOW! I just love the internet. :)

  6. Michelle says:

    HI Rina!! Just checking in on you. How are you doing???!!

    • Rina says:

      I’m doing great, Michelle, thanks for asking! It’s been SO LONG since I posted or read anyone else’s posts, it’s awful! We just welcomed our baby girl recently, I’m working on a post on that soon. :)

  7. Madeline says:

    May I ask, please, were you in love with your husband when you married him?

    • Rina says:

      I was very much in love with my husband when I married him, but I’m learning that a good marriage relies much more on CHOOSING to love our spouse than it does on FEELINGS of love! :)

  8. Nicole says:

    “I married the only man who remembers me as a blushing bride and a first time mother. . . .My son smiled up at me and said ‘That’s Mommy and Daddy!’”

    What a beautiful thing for your children and a glory to God!

  9. joanne says:

    This is a truely beautiful thing that is written. After I read it I realized I wanted to ask you a question. Did you ever meet your soul mate? Alot of people never meet their soul mate till they die. So if they never felt these feelings how with someone special then they are not in the position to say that their husband is a better choice. I met my soul mate at 44. I am married and am having a very hard time deciding whether I should go back to see my soul mate and spend the rest of my life with him or stay in my marriage and keep the family happy but endure the pain of loosing my soul mate. What should I do. Wouldn’t God want me to be happy?

    • Rina says:


      I believe this is an issue that effects many marriages, but few are willing to admit the problem and address it head-on. I admire your courage and am honored that you asked me for my opinion. I will be sending you an email, privately, to answer the questions you have posed here, and am working on a public response as well. Thank you for your willingness to be open and honest about what you are going through.

  10. Rina says:

    Joanne, here is one response to your question, written by a very dear friend whom I respect and admire greatly: http://intostillwaters.com/2010/08/23/2192/

    I am hopeful that I will be able to post another, soon, written by a man who has been where you are now and has had to make the difficult choice between a “soul mate” and a spouse.

  11. You’ve written and expressed a beautiful prayer-reminder to me about my own 23 years of marriage. Your post is beautifully uplifting. Thank you.

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