A Post I’ve Been Putting Off

I’ve started and re-started this about sixteen times and I’m still no further in figuring out how to write this than I was when I began. It’s really not something I’m very excited about sharing, but I feel that God is leading me to do so, perhaps as an encouragement to others, or perhaps just as an encouragement to myself. Most of you know that I have a weight problem. I don’t even want to chronicle how it started or where it came from, it sounds too much like an excuse to my ears. Suffice it to say that at my heaviest I weighed a little over 260lbs. That’s incredibly hard for me to write. It’s a habit of binge eating and using food as a coping skill and horrible food choices that have led me to where I am right now. That’s even harder to write. I don’t want to admit to any of these things. It’s heartbreaking and embarrassing and it makes me feel ashamed.

A few weeks ago, I was lying in bed and I felt God ministering to me. I can’t explain that, except to say that I felt His presence with me in the room and I felt that He was telling me that He is going to turn things around. He has entered the fight with me and I’m going to lose the weight. I have no idea why it’s taken ten years for this to happen – it’s not like I haven’t been praying this whole time, and it’s not like I haven’t tried various “diets” over the years. But for whatever reason, His timing is now. In three weeks, I’ve lost almost 30lbs. I’m 12lbs away from being the lightest I’ve been since my first daughter was born. I’ve had days when I’ve failed, but I haven’t given up and that in itself is an incredible thing. God is in this with me, things are different than they’ve ever been before, and I want to encourage others who are going through what I’m going through, or who have been through what I’ve been through.

So I’m going to share with you. I’m going to share my struggles and my efforts, my failures and my victories. I’m going to share the things that are in my heart. I’m even going to share my weight now (212), and as I lose it. Because reading about the struggles others have gone through has been a huge encouragement to me, and it is my hope that God will use me to encourage others.

I’m not doing this on my own. God has given me a wonderful support system. I have friends who are cheering me on, one of whom has embarked on a weight loss journey with me. I have a husband who refuses to let me quit even when I want to. God has put people in my life to share with me and to encourage me and He has made it very clear to me that He is helping me along the way.

Today, one of the people God has placed in my life as an encouragement shared something from a book she was reading, a book that encourages readers to answer the question: “why do I want to lose the weight?” That was a painful question to answer, and I’ll share more on it tomorrow (*update: that article is now on the blog, here.) For now, I want to thank those of you who are reading this. I want to thank those of you who have loved me and have befriended me just as I am. Your support, encouragement and love means more to me than I could ever hope to express.

Thanks for reading.


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11 Responses to A Post I’ve Been Putting Off

  1. bobbi says:

    i’m in your boat girlfriend. i am heavier than i’ve ever been, embarissed, ashambed, uncomfortable, and unhappy. 30 pounds in 3 weeks……wow! tell me what to do!!!

    • Rina says:

      Bobbi, I think a lot of that weight might have been “water weight” because it did come off SO fast, it’s hard to believe it was all fat! I wish I had some amazing thing I could share as far as what I’m doing, but it’s mostly just counting calories and exercising. It hasn’t been so much about what I’m doing as it has the internal changes that have happened… the fact that I don’t struggle the way I used to, or even when I do struggle and even fail, I don’t give up the way I would have before. I feel like God and I are partnering in this for the first time and I’m so thankful. I guess to briefly outline what I AM doing, I’m trying to hit about 1200 calories per day, but because I’m still nursing, I’m really careful about what those calories consist of (fruits, veggies, grains.) I’m trying to exercise at least twice a day (don’t always make it, though), once doing muscle strengthening stuff, and once on the exercise bike. I’m also drinking a ton of water (I mean, almost a gallon a day… I feel like a fish.:)) I plan to write more about this in the future, there are a few more things that I’m doing as far as food choices and things, but in the end it mostly comes down to the things God has changed for me, on the inside, that have helped me not to struggle in the same way I used to (that’s not to say I DON’T struggle, it just isn’t the same.) I’m praying for you, and appreciate your support SO MUCH. I’d love it if we kept up with each other on this. One thing I’m really passionate about is that I don’t want to gain this victory alone. I desperately want others to gain it with me. Maybe we could encourage each other?

  2. Andrea says:

    Wow! Congratulations, Rina! Praise the Lord for an awesome first three weeks. I don’t know if you’re interested, but a wonderful book that has helped me A LOT with my weight loss is Outsmarting the Female Fat Cell by Debra Waterhouse (http://www.amazon.com/OUTSMARTING-FEMALE-FAT-CELL-WEIGHT-CONTROL/dp/1562828576/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1297829925&sr=8-1).

  3. Andrea says:

    Oh, and I had thought I had subscribed to your blog in my Google Reader, but somehow it disappeared. So I’ve been catching up on back posts just now. I’ve missed so much! And all this time, I was just thinking you were busy and not blogging.

  4. Michelle says:

    Oh, Rina…your way of expressing your heart is so beautiful and, yes, already IS an encouragement to many of us….more than I think you even know. As far as the weight loss goes: WE CAN DO IT! God is working on us from the inside out. It WILL happen. Our commitment to Him and His prompting in this (as well as our encouragement of eachother) will get us to our goals. Let’s enjoy the ride! love you.

  5. Lisa Alfonso says:

    As I sit here and read EVERYTHING that you have written, I am overwhelmed with emotions. I have always said that you are a strong willed young lady and there is nothing in life that you cannot accomplish once you put your mind to it. Deep down you are an Alfonso and we always give 150% to all challenges in life that we are faced with. I am happy for you and I am proud of you, yet I am saddened that I am not a part of your life or that of my great nieces and nephews. I truly believe that God talks to you. God talks to all of us. I hope and pray that one day God tells you that it is time…time to reconnect with the two women (Dina and Lisa) who love and respect you for who you are…time to put differences aside and accept the fact that we did not choose this lifestyle, it chose us.

    I love you with all my heart and always will!

    Aunt Lisa

    • Rina says:

      Thank you, Aunt Lisa, for your support and your love. It means so much to me to hear your words of encouragement. I love you very, very much and I also pray that God will some day allow us all to reconnect in a way that we never thought possible. I love you. I miss you.

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