I’ve started and re-started this about sixteen times and I’m still no further in figuring out how to write this than I was when I began. It’s really not something I’m very excited about sharing, but I feel that God is leading me to do so, perhaps as an encouragement to others, or perhaps just as an encouragement to myself. Most of you know that I have a weight problem. I don’t even want to chronicle how it started or where it came from, it sounds too much like an excuse to my ears. Suffice it to say that at my heaviest I weighed a little over 260lbs. That’s incredibly hard for me to write. It’s a habit of binge eating and using food as a coping skill and horrible food choices that have led me to where I am right now. That’s even harder to write. I don’t want to admit to any of these things. It’s heartbreaking and embarrassing and it makes me feel ashamed.
A few weeks ago, I was lying in bed and I felt God ministering to me. I can’t explain that, except to say that I felt His presence with me in the room and I felt that He was telling me that He is going to turn things around. He has entered the fight with me and I’m going to lose the weight. I have no idea why it’s taken ten years for this to happen – it’s not like I haven’t been praying this whole time, and it’s not like I haven’t tried various “diets” over the years. But for whatever reason, His timing is now. In three weeks, I’ve lost almost 30lbs. I’m 12lbs away from being the lightest I’ve been since my first daughter was born. I’ve had days when I’ve failed, but I haven’t given up and that in itself is an incredible thing. God is in this with me, things are different than they’ve ever been before, and I want to encourage others who are going through what I’m going through, or who have been through what I’ve been through.
So I’m going to share with you. I’m going to share my struggles and my efforts, my failures and my victories. I’m going to share the things that are in my heart. I’m even going to share my weight now (212), and as I lose it. Because reading about the struggles others have gone through has been a huge encouragement to me, and it is my hope that God will use me to encourage others.
I’m not doing this on my own. God has given me a wonderful support system. I have friends who are cheering me on, one of whom has embarked on a weight loss journey with me. I have a husband who refuses to let me quit even when I want to. God has put people in my life to share with me and to encourage me and He has made it very clear to me that He is helping me along the way.
Today, one of the people God has placed in my life as an encouragement shared something from a book she was reading, a book that encourages readers to answer the question: “why do I want to lose the weight?” That was a painful question to answer, and I’ll share more on it tomorrow (*update: that article is now on the blog, here.) For now, I want to thank those of you who are reading this. I want to thank those of you who have loved me and have befriended me just as I am. Your support, encouragement and love means more to me than I could ever hope to express.
Thanks for reading.