Sometimes I find myself talking about God so much He becomes an identity marker but not an identity changer in my life.
Having God as an identity marker is nothing but a label, a language, and a lifestyle. I’m a Christian. I talk like one. I act like one.
But having God as an identity changer is something so much more. It’s lavish abandon to who God is and who He’s made me to be. Holding nothing back…
What has been stopping me from absolute lavish abandon to God?
I need to know.
I’m desperate to figure it out.
So, I asked Pastor Matthew- a man who lives this lavish abandon, “Aren’t you afraid sometimes? You run a facility where you have to raise a half-million dollars a month- a MONTH! Do you walk around with the weight of that on you all the time?”
And his answer cracked my heart wide open. “No. When you experience God the way I’ve been experiencing God for 17 years, you stop being afraid. I’ve seen too many miracles.”
Oh. Tears. The woman who doesn’t cry was flooded with a crack in the dam of her soul.
My. God. That. Is. It.
I’ve stopped positioning my life for miracles. In an effort to never make God look bad, I’ve sought only that which I can carefully measure and predict and manipulate into being.
God, help me.
God, forgive me.
If I truly want to be a woman who lives by faith, I must live a life that requires a little bit of faith.
The kind that changes everything.