Mirror of My Heart

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about this blog and whether I should continue writing it (or, rather, continue publishing what I write.)  I won’t go into too much detail (mainly so as not to bore anyone,) but the main thing that has left me questioning my blogging is the fact that it recently occurred to me, through a few different means, that blogging could be a form of pride and self-absorption.  Before this, I’d really never considered it before, but some things have led me to do some soul-searching (one of these days I’m going to realize that introspection is rarely very helpful) and I’ve been asking myself: “what are the things in my life that could be considered ‘me’ centered?”

How about a forum in which I’m constantly sharing my thoughts, my experiences, my feelings, etc.?  In that sense blogging could certainly be somewhat prideful and narcissistic.   

But then yesterday, I read something that really impacted me.  It’s from a book called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, (Jennifer Fulwiler recently wrote an article about this book that made me go straight to Amazon.com and order it, and even after just a few chapters I’ve already been tremendously blessed by it.  I highly recommend this book!)  When recounting his experiences with writing a movie based on his memoir, he says:

You’d think it wouldn’t be a stretch for me to write a movie about my memoir.  I’d written the memoir, after all.  But I didn’t like thinking about myself anymore.  You get tired of thinking about yourself all the time when you’re a writer.  Or at least when you write the kind of books I write.  It gets wearisome, all the bellyaching and feeling and thinking about the world and how you interact with it.  Everything’s a mirror when you’re a writer; the computer monitor is a mirror.  Who thinks they are so important they need to write books about themselves?  Who are these people who write about themselves, and how did I become one of them?

In reading this, it was as if God reached down, gave me a great big hug, and said “blog on, daughter, blog on.”  My blog is, in many ways, a mirror.  A mirror that has grown me and stretched me and humbled me in ways I don’t think anything else could.  Is it self-centered?  Yes.  Is that a bad thing?  Not necessarily.

Why do I write?

I write in hopes that others may be able to glean from my mistakes.

I write in hopes that others may be able to glean from the things that God has taught me.

I write as a way to connect.

I write as a way to express myself.

I write because I think better “on paper” than in my head.

I write because I want to remember.

I write because I think my children will appreciate and enjoy looking back and seeing my struggles and successes, and hearing about the things that God has taught me throughout both my life and theirs.

I write because I’m a writer I don’t have the best grammar or spelling or punctuation, but I am a writer.  I feel more comfortable in front of a blank page than a set of eyes and ears.  I am more at ease with emails than with phone calls.  I am more capable of expressing myself with the written word than the spoken.  I’m a writer  – it’s what I do and a huge part of who I am.

And so, I write.

Not everything I write is powerful or life-changing or helpful or even worthy of being expressed.  But I write because it’s who I am.  And I post what I write because I want to share my heart and, for now at least, it’s something I enjoy.

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4 Responses to Mirror of My Heart

  1. Patti says:

    Please do not stop blogging. You are such an inspiration. When I read some of your blogs, I really feel God is speaking through you to me sometimes. Although we don’t share the same religious beliefs, (I really don’t know what yours are), and I am old enough to be your mother, I know that you keep God first and that is so important in raising a family, being a wife and a business person. We do share one thing and that is the love we both have for God. You always witness to others and that is what He is doing through you. Not making you prideful or narcistic. So many young mothers and wives could learn from what you have to say. My daughter Amber blogs and I know how therapeutic it is for her. She sees a psychiatrist and was seeing a psychologist, but now that she has started blogging, she said she doesn’t need to see the psychologist. You are helping yourself and others in your blogging. Keep up the good work.
    Love in Christ,
    Patti

    • Rina says:

      Thank you, Patti. I really do believe that God has shown me in several different ways that this latest trip down introspection lane and the things I was wrestling with were not things He was bringing up to me, but things I was bringing up myself. So, of course, I wrote about it to get my thoughts together, and then published it because that’s… well, the whole point of what I was writing about. :) No worries, I think God still has me blogging for a while, yet! I appreciate you and your encouragement so much!

  2. randomnimus says:

    Rina,
    I just started reading your blog today. I found it very interesting your considerations about faith and blogging. I believe nothing will ever compare to the gift of life. God gave us life and mankind gave us blogs(!) so we can learn from one another. This blog of yours, (all the way from (did you say Tennessee?)) is inspiring my existence, all the way in the southern region of Brazil. I found your understanding views on religion a breath of fresh air in a world where people consider killing their brothers and sisters over different points of view.
    Thank you for inspiring my life and pardon my English.

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