The Scream

Did you know that your mouth can continue screaming long after your brain has recognized that you’re safe?

Today, I went to throw something out on the back porch and ran into a spider web.  Not a big deal, there are always spider webs on our back porch.  But something about the way this web felt, and the fact that it didn’t give when I stepped into it, registered to my subconscious the fact that this was a very large web.  Which then registered the fact that very large webs are usually the homes of very large spiders.  It took me about a 23rd of a second to realize this before I looked up and saw this lovely creature, crawling only a few inches above my forehead…

Just to give you an idea of how large that garden spider was, here’s a picture with a dollar bill as a reference point…

The dollar bill is almost touching it… my daughter isn’t as afraid of spiders as I am.  Eventually, one of my kids will probably name it and start feeding it grasshoppers from the yard.  But, I digress.

I started screaming and could. not. stop.  Even after I’d backed into the house and was what I considered a “safe” distance away.  Even when the kids came running to find out what was wrong.  I just sat there looking at this spider, screaming.  My throat still hurts from all the screaming.  It was awful.  And kinda funny.  In retrospect.

Afterward, I did what any good arachnophobic photographer would do.  Made my daughter come outside with me and take a few pictures.  Her job was to hold a white piece of paper in behind it, so I could get a better picture and monitor the spider for ANY movement whatsoever.

Afterward, I poked at it with a hanger a few times, just to see what it would do.

And screamed some more.

I love a good adventure.


Update: The kids named “her” Charlotte (original, huh?) and “she” has now been relocated to a remote corner of the yard, far, far away from the back door.

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3 Responses to The Scream

  1. Patti Milam says:

    that’s so funny. My husband would stand up to any man, but a spider brings him to his knees. So strange how we all have our weaknesses. I’m not afraid of spiders, but mice and snakes get me.

  2. Michelle says:

    This cracks me up! It’s also funny how I thought this was “surely not so bad”…then, only moments after discussing it with you, forgot about it and walked out your back door, running smack in to the web myself. I don’t really remember if I screamed…maybe gasped and nearly fainted…but I think it’s because I momentarily blacked out and then definitely wanted to vomit from the rush of adrenaline. I get goosebumps now (really…I do) whenever we discuss it. Creepy having that thing right on top of my head like that. ooh. yuck. Go, beautiful spider, in to the wilderness, and live a long happy spiderly life.