— 3 —
My dad told me a crazy story the other day: One time a friend of his named Bob was camping out on a ranch in West Texas. Bob and a buddy had seen a huge rattlesnake while they were out that day, but left it alone. At dusk they found a place to sleep and got in their sleeping bags. The next morning, Bob woke up to realize that there was a very large snake in his sleeping bag, down at his feet. That’s right. I said “WOKE UP TO A SNAKE AT THE BOTTOM OF HIS SLEEPING BAG.”
Let’s pause there for a moment and think about that: You wake up. You feel a huge snake at your feet. You think it could very well be a rattlesnake. You’re not anywhere near a place where you could get medical attention. And you know that if you try to get out of the sleeping bag the snake will likely get spooked and bite you. How do you get out of that situation? Think about what you would do, and I’ll tell you his friend’s clever solution in take #7.
— 7 —
The answer from #3: Bob got his friend’s attention — painstakingly, since he had to avoid, you know, moving or breathing or otherwise doing anything that might upset the snake. He told his friend to build a fire right next to the sleeping bag. Once the fire was going, Bob gently pulled open the top of his sleeping bag and had his friend fan smoke inside (just about suffocating as he tried not to cough). It worked. The snake got irritated by the smoke and came slithering out. And it turned out not to be a rattlesnake after all.
So, the moral of the story is: This is what happens when you leave the house. First you think it’s a good idea to take a walk, then you get adventurous and start riding bikes places, then camping starts to sound fun, and, long story short, you end up trapped in bags with poisonous reptiles. People like me never have to deal with that, because we are smart enough to stay indoors at all times. Next time someone suggests that I get out a little more often, I now have a reply that will render all their arguments invalid: Snake in sleeping bag.
“Jen, do you want to go camping with – ?” SNAKE IN SLEEPING BAG. “But don’t you want to go on the hike to – ?” SNAKE IN SLEEPING BAG. “Shouldn’t you at least go to the grocery store for – ?” SNAKE IN SLEEPING BAG!!!
Haha! I’m normally something of a homebody and I DO. NOT. LIKE. camping… or being outdoors, in general. Especially at night, and especially in the woods at night. Just loved her “moral of the story!”