As a First Time Mother…

All mom’s are a little bit protective over their first babies, right?  With the first, we sterilize the pacifiers when they fall on the ground, with the second we might rinse it off, and by the time the third comes along, we’ll pull it out of the dogs mouth and pop it into the baby’s (okay, maybe we don’t go that far, but all moms go a little bit crazy after they have their first, right?)  Well, I think I was certifiable.  Recently, my mom came across a three page instruction manual that I wrote for her in preparation for the time when she’d be watching our firstborn after our second child was born.  I’ve always said I was overprotective with my first, I REMEMBER being overprotective with her, but I don’t remember being this crazy!  It’s ridiculously embarrassing and looking back after 6 (soon to be 7 children), it’s hard to believe I was ever so… well… silly!  I won’t share the entire letter (I outlined every single thing she could eat, when she could eat it,  how much of it she could eat, what she COULDN’T eat, what time her naps were supposed to be and what time her naps might be if she didn’t sleep during one of them, what her bedtime routine was [consisting of 8,563 steps], and exactly what dilution of water to juice should go in her sippy cup [and when she should have juice vs. water,] but it contains some precious gems of advice that just had to be shared.  Such as:

– Whenever she gets up, offer her 6oz of warm whole milk in a bottle… but after an hour, throw it out because the milk will go bad.

8:30 – Breakfast.  She’ll eat… with… give her one bite of… then one bite of… until she… if she won’t eat… then she… and you can…

– 9:00 – First nap – change her diaper before putting her to bed.

– If for some reason she sleeps till… you can… and put her down at… (feed her something first, so she’s not hungry)… the rest of her schedule should stay the same unless…  in which case you’ll… and then she may not… you also wouldn’t… because then she would only…

– IF, however, she is still up by… then you can… and put her back down at… (feed her lunch first).  Also, if she doesn’t… and she doesn’t… offer her something to eat again, but just…

– 1:00 – Lunch – Two different kinds of… and… OR… OR… (your pick.)  The vegetables will need… she gets 1/3 cup of… so you can put half of that in… If she still acts hungry she can have…

– 2:00 – Nap (check her diaper first.)

Check her diaper when she wakes up from her nap.

– 5:30 – Dinner… baby food cereal.  This is how you mix the baby food cereal…  If she still acts hungry you can feed her ….  or ….  or…  and if you didn’t feed her … then she can have…  Just keep feeding her until she doesn’t want to eat anymore.

– 7:00 – Bedtime UNLESS she… and then she will…  OR if she… in which case you can…  If Jon is coming to pick her up, though, then you can…  Don’t put her to bed if…

– Bedtime routine: Bath, in the big bathtub (just don’t put in a lot of water), with some waterproof toys.  After the bath she… and you… and put… and get her dressed for bed.  After she’s dressed for bed… then… No matter how long… (However, if for some reason she… you may want to…)  Make sure… and… and…

Okay, I think that’s it!!!  Please forgive me for being exhaustive… and please DON’T LET DAD GIVE HER ANYTHING TO EAT THAT SHE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE!!!  :)


Categories: Humor, Parenting

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5 Responses to As a First Time Mother…

  1. Patti Milam says:

    This is so funny. Brandi didn’t do that, but when she stayed with us while Tyson wasin Iraq, Bobby would sneak Indigo chocolate, coffee, and lots of other nonos. I have pics of her with chocolate all over her mouth and him saying I didn’t do it.

    • Rina says:

      haha, yea my dad LOVES to bring the kids chocolate and cookies and everything else that isn’t good for them! After six kids, we’ve come to terms with it. ;)

  2. Amy says:

    Rina, that is awesome and hilarious…but above all, heart-warming…you did it all out of LOVE!! I was just as “crazy”, but not as wordy, ha,ha!! That is so fun to be able to come across that six kids later; how priceless! Never get rid of that!! You’re an awesome mom!

    • Rina says:

      oh, man, I feel sorry for my poor mom and MIL (not to mention my HUSBAND!!!) who put up with all that for so long! LOL! I guess it IS heartwarming in a crazy sort of way (albeit, embarrassing, too!) :)

  3. Pingback: The most embarrassing story ever told here on | Rina Marie

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