For years, my belief about God was that he was like some sort of divine police officer, just waiting for me to mess up so he could bludgeon me with his police stick. Theologically, I knew this was ridiculous, but emotionally this is how I felt. It’s only been within the last year or two that that feeling regarding God has changed. Completely, I thought, but I was wrong.
When I told the story of how things opened up for us to get the little buck from the breeder I’ve admired (which turned into six goats – read the story Here), there were some things I didn’t mention, for the sake of brevity. For instance, I didn’t mention that at the time we had already put a deposit down on a little buckling from another breeder, the son of a doe I’ve admired since I first saw her on the website (the doe’s name is Sudoku, for future reference, and her mother was #9 on ADGA’s top ten list for milk production in 2011.) And I also didn’t go into how much inner turmoil I was going through because I was TERRIFIED of making a wrong decision about all of these goats.
When we found the buckling(s) we ended up getting, we went to Sudoku’s breeder to ask if we could transfer the deposit on the buck to a deposit on a future doe from the same breeding. She told us that we could, but mentioned that she had a mature doe who had just been bred and offered her to us, instead. Faced with this decision, I didn’t know WHAT to do! We were already trying to figure out whether to purchase two additional goats from the other breeder, and now we were faced with making a decision about a third, who wasn’t my original choice! I became stressed and unhappy and overwhelmed, and I let what should have been a blessing throw me into a horrible state of confusion and turmoil.
Eventually, with the help of a friend, I recognized that I was steeped in some old thought patterns regarding God and my relationship with Him and I decided to do something crazy. I decided to step out in faith and do something that I thought might be “wrong,” in order to remind myself of who God is, and who He is to me. That night, even though we knew we didn’t have the money, I emailed the first breeder to tell her yes, we DID want the bred doe from her!
I immediately felt a peace about the entire situation.
But the funny thing was, not long afterward, I started to feel uneasy about this goat. I couldn’t understand why, because I was SURE I’d done the right thing in saying “yes” but in the end, Jon and I decided that maybe it just wasn’t the time. I emailed the breeder once again and cancelled (and offered to let her keep the deposit, I felt so bad about canceling on her twice!)
She was amazing about it, though, and said that she would still put the deposit toward another goat in the future IF she had any. She and her husband had just decided to sell all of their milking animals, so she wasn’t sure how much longer she’d have goats available.
Well, as soon as she said that, I immediately thought of Sudoku! I asked if she was for sale and (another long story short,) not only is Sudoku for sale, but her owner wants to TRADE us for some sheep!
God took my act of faith – an act I offered up to remind myself of who He is – and gave us not just a kid from a goat I’ve had my eye on – but the goat herself!
Oh, and did I mention that Sudoku is pregnant?
For the condensed version of this whole amazing, incredible farming story, click Here.