I am humbled, and ashamed

I just finished writing something about how one of our goats, Mini Pearl, has an abscess on her face that will need to be tested for an incurable and highly contagious disease called Caseous Lymphadenitis (CL.)  I was writing something about all the crazy things that have been going on and how God can change things in an instant.  But then I realized something…

I have slapped Him in the face.  With our doubt and unbelief, we (Jon and I) have slapped him in the face.  Yesterday as we were going over the bills and looking at our budget, Jon and I both got angry and frustrated and spoke out of our anger and frustration.  He, with our finances and me with the animal illnesses.  Sarcastically and passionately we both expressed our doubt in God and justified our doubt to one another.

As I was writing about Mini Pearl, a passage of scripture came to mind.  It’s a story from 2 Kings…

The Syrians had besieged Samaria and the Samaritans were experiencing extreme famine and poverty.  “A donkey’s head was sold for eighty shekels of silver and one-fourt of a kab of dove droppings for five shekels of silver.”  Elisha the prophet said to the king: tomorrow things are going to change.  Tomorrow “a seah of fine flour shall be sold for a shekel and two seahs of barley for a shekel.”

The next day, God supernaturally caused the Syrian army to hear the noise of chariots and horses and the noise of a great army, and they fled and left everything behind them.  “Then the people went out and plundered the tents of the Syrians.  So a seah of fine flour was sold for a shekel and two seahs of barley for a shekel, according to the Word of the Lord.”

As I wrote my original post for tonight, I made the point that “things can change in an instant – overnight the Samaritans went from extreme famine to riches.  Supernaturally in a way that no one could have ever expected, circumstances changed in unimaginable ways.”

And then I realized… there was one man who did not experience that deliverance.  There was one man who did not partake.

An officer on whose hand the king leaned answered the man of God and scoffed, saying “Look, even if the Lord should open the floodgates of the heavens, could this happen?” And Elisha answered “You will see it with your own eyes, but you will not eat any of it.”

In the face of all the things God has done for us, Jon and I told each other how impossible it all was.  Like children throwing a tantrum, we spoke against Him and didn’t just express our doubt but hurled it around the room and justified it to one another.

How dare we?   How could we?  After all He’s done for us, after who He is to us and who we are to Him… how could I?  How could I?
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I am so very ashamed and so very, very sorry.

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