Lately, I’ve been struggling with my weight again. Well, I shouldn’t say I’ve been struggling with my weight, as I’ve been doing absolutely nothing about it (other than working diligently to increase it.) I’ve been struggling with myself because I’ve gained so much weight and today I realized something. I am choosing to be overweight. After all, no one is holding me down forcing me to eat Oreo’s and double cheeseburgers. I don’t have a medical condition that causes me to gain weight despite consuming nothing but salad and vegetables. I am, at the present time, choosing to live a lifestyle that is contributing to my weight gain. And you know what? I refuse to be ashamed of it anymore.
Being ashamed of the choices I’ve made and the results of those choices is a lot like going to the store, picking out a dress, paying for it with my hard-earned money and then feeling embarrassed for wearing it out in public. If I don’t want to wear it, then I shouldn’t buy it. After all, I don’t have to buy it. There is no rational reason for me to buy it, other than the fact that I must like something about it. And if I like it well enough to take action toward it, then I should wear it without shame. The truth is – when you get right down to the very bottom of it – I’m choosing to eat more than I should, and the wrong types of things. I’m choosing to have clothes that don’t fit, I’m choosing to feel tired and I’m choosing the health problems that come with being overweight. I’m not saying I’m making the right choice, I’m just admitting to the fact that for better or worse, right or wrong. that is the choice I am currently making. It is my decision and no one else’s. And I refuse to be miserable about that. I refuse to act as if I don’t have a say in the matter. I refuse to pretend that this is something happening to me instead of something I am actively embracing. And I refuse to be ashamed. Convicted? Yes. Shame? No.
So the next time I look in the mirror, I’m going to smile at myself. Because no matter how uncomfortable I may be with what I see in the reflection, that is me. Right now, in this moment, that image is a reflection (no pun intended!) of who I am and the choices I’m making. And you know what? God loves me, even where I am right now… even in the midst of all my sin, of which gluttony is only a small portion. It would be silly for me to do otherwise.
And after I smile at myself… maybe, just maybe, I’ll go for a walk. Or maybe I’ll eat a cheeseburger. Either way, the choice is mine.