People sometimes ask how Jon and I handle our lives since I began dating women (if this is news to you, please read THIS.) How do we make it work? How do we get along?
Last night, Jon said one of the most beautiful things to me, which I think perfectly sums up not only our relationship but who he is as a person and how we’ve somehow managed to make all this work. I told him something about causing pain and he responded:
“You would never do that. That’s not the kind of person you are.”
I sat, stunned. How could he say this to me? I’m not the kind of person who would cause someone pain? He, whose life got turned upside down two years ago when I fell in love with a woman? He, whose dream of a future—a future he’d been working toward for almost 20 years—had been completely destroyed? How could he—of all people—say I’m not the kind of person who would cause another pain?
I am, of course. The kind of person who causes pain. We all are. It goes with the territory of being fallible human beings. But somehow, this man still believes the best of me. He encourages me and supports me and talks me off ledges and he fought just as hard for my recently ended relationship as I did. And I know he will embrace and love anyone else I bring into our lives and fight just as hard for them. He’ll fight for me. And I will strive to do the same for him. We support each other and love each other and even though ours is no longer a marriage in the conventional (ie. sexual) sense, we are still very much a family. We are still the best of friends (more so, in fact, than we have ever been.) I am so thankful for this man who always sees the best in me and always helps me see the best in others. I am so thankful for this man who chose, two years ago, to lay down his ideas of what a relationship ought to be and somehow found the strength and courage to create a new one.
Do we still fight? Of course. Do we still get on each other’s every last nerve? Absolutely. Are there still times when I can’t stand him, and he can’t stand me? At least once a week. But each day we wake up and start again. We have been through fire and are working every day to forge a new, and in many ways better, relationship. I am grateful.