Here is when you’ll get over your ex

 

Adapted from an article of the same title, by Heidi Priebe.

 

You’ll get over your ex when you finally delete the note on your calendar that alerts you of the date of your anniversary every single month.

You’ll get over your ex the first time you wash the sheets from the bed you shared and replace them with bedding you bought before you knew her.

You’ll get over your ex the first time you make her favorite meal and don’t swallow tears with every bite.

You’ll get over your ex when you no longer crane your neck each time you pass her place of work, just to get a glimpse of her truck.

You’ll get over your ex when you finally take her toothbrush off the bathroom sink–the one you kept both in hopes that some day she’d be back and as a reminder that she never could be.

You’ll get over your ex when you stop using her lotion each day, just to be reminded of her scent.

You’ll get over your ex when you stop using her shower loofa, just to feel that, somehow, some way, some cell that was once a part of her body is still there touching yours.

You’ll get over your ex the day you decide to put away the cards and gifts and reminders of your feelings toward each other. Not throw away–just put away. Somewhere safe. Somewhere you’ll go back to, some day. When you’re ready.

You’ll get over your ex when you finally accept that you will never fully understand what happened between you–that there is no book, no therapist, no “final conversation” that will make it all make sense.

You’ll get over your ex when you realize there is nothing left to be done–no phone call to be made, no explanation to be heard, no argument to be had, no action to be taken but that of true acceptance.

And in some extreme cases, you’ll get over your ex when you finally have the courage to disable your ability to see her facebook, block her emails, and turn off the comments feature on your blog.

Yes, you will get over your ex.

But you will never, ever forget her. Because in addition to all these things…

You will allow yourself to to think of her. You will allow yourself to remember every beautiful moment, every wonderful memory, every single thing that made you fall in love with her.

You will accept that you still see and feel her everywhere–on the back seat of your bike, in a pile of raked leaves, underneath the yard lights that she hung–and you will allow yourself to miss her.

You will allow yourself to listen to her playlist. You will let the tears fall while you shower, while you drive, while you lay in bed at night. Sometimes, you’ll even smile.

You will allow her to permanently occupy a space in your heart–even if it isn’t the space you’d hoped for.

You will love her forever. But differently. From a distance. And you will wish the best for her, and pray that she finds every wonderful, beautiful thing she has ever hoped for. Even if that isn’t you.

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“You will not get over your ex all at once. You’ll get over them through a series of tiny, tender moments that bring you quietly back to yourself. And in some ways they’ll never really leave you. The people who change us in those big, irrevocable ways never do. To get over them we’d have to alter ourselves into people so unrecognizable that we’d lose who we are in the process. And so instead we learn how to integrate the influence they had–the books you now read because of the topics that they turned you on to. The music you now download because of the lyrics they loved. The ways you now look at the world that would have never occurred to you if they had not opened your eyes up to seeing and doing things different. We don’t ever lose people we love in their entirety and perhaps we never should–we ourselves become bigger, more encompassing people because of it.”
–Heidi Priebe

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